The Picket Line
by Trivette Lover Heather
Summary: Comedic. Inspired by current GM Strike...Henry and Radar are trapped in Henrys office as the UMONEP, strike with high demands, taking prisoners and worse...Please R


The Picket Line

By: Trivette Lover Heather

AN: Inspired by my experience this morning crossing the picket line at GM…:)

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The men and women marched back and forth, pushing their signs up periodically with a chant of "UMONEP."

Henry Blake stood freakishly afraid behind his office door, peering out of his small window. "I can't believe it, I just can't believe it…you give them an inch and they take fifty miles!"

"Yes sir." Radar nodded as he stood behind the Colonel.

"I mean after all I've done for them, after all the boozing I allow, the dress code and lack there of, the ridding of almost all military regulations, and even those that don't exist, and they still want more! Boy that really gripes my butt!"

"Yes sir."

"Radar, can you say anything except, yes sir?"

"Yes sir, I mean No sir, I mean…"

Henry retreated to his desk for a moment fiddling with the stick and white handkerchief attached to it by a rubber band. "Radar we have got to think of something….Radar?" He looked up to see that Radar was being pulled out of the office…Henry raced over and grabbed Radars arms as the others pulled his legs, the company clerk now on the floor being pulled apart…Eventually they released his legs and he was dragged back into his Colonels office. He was frantic.

"They took him hostage sir." He voice was distraught.

Henry looked concerned. "Hostage? Who? This is going too far…"

Radar began to get angry. "I've got to save him sir!" He ran over to Henry's golf bag and pulled out a club.

"Radar, now lets not get carried away…" He took the club and put it back, only to pull out another. "Use my putter; I never get much use of it anyhow."

Radar started out the door but was stopped again by his Colonel. "Wait a minute…who is the hostage?"

The Corporal set his jaw firm and straightened himself up as if preparing for battle.

"My teddy bear." He started out the door and his Colonel was not able to stop him.

He watched it all unfold as Radar prepared to pass through the picket line. As he inched towards the latrine doors where his Teddy was hanging from, the lines parted as they saw the look in his eye.

Hawkeye and Trapper were keeping watch outside of Margaret's tent, assuring no escape for Frank or her until the demands were met. They saw Radar parting the lines and decided to abandon their post, asking two others to replace them. They raced over and stood in front of the captive teddy bear.

"Stop, we've been given orders to shoot on site." Hawkeye hollered standing in front of the Corporal, Trapper right by his side.

Henry watched on, still barricaded in his office.

"Give him back, or I swear I'll put this putter where the sun don't shine."

Hawkeye and Trapper exchanged glances, pulling out their respective weapons, causing Henry and the rest of the camp to gasp, everyone of course, except Radar himself. No price was too big to pay for the life of his captured friend.

"Why I oughtta!!!" He raised the putter in the air, began to swing…the two Captains were left with no choice but to fire.

After it was over, Radar hung, pinned up next to his Teddy bear, as Henry saw the site unfold, he raced out carrying his 3 wood in his left hand and his driver in the other.

"Pierce, Macintyre! This has gone too far!!"

The picketers began to surround the Colonel as he approached. Shouting's of "UMONEP" became overwhelming.

"Alright, listen. I cannot and will not tolerate such torture to take place on my camp…no threats or capturing or hostaging or barricading…" he pointed to Margaret's tent. "Will be aloud in this camp…now I am ordering you to cease and desist!"

Hawkeye and Trapper responded by pulling out their weapons, the entire camp doing the same. "I'm sorry Henry, but we see that order as a threat, given the weapons you are currently holding in both your hands…please place them slowly on the ground, and kick them over to us…then and only then…will we cease and assist…"

"Desist." Trapper whispered in his ear.

"Right, what I said...Desist…the choice is up to you Colonel." His aim was stead fast.

Henry peered upward then over to his company clerk and his frightened friend who hung by his side.

"Not without combat pay." He set down his golf bag which hung from his back and reached down into it, he came up, throwing golf balls vigorously at the Captains and surrounding personnel. As the camp fired their weapons, the Colonel was dodging the ammo well, he was able to make it to Radar as both Hawkeye and Trapper tended to their wounds sustained by the anti personnel golf balls. Radar was able to grab Teddy and assist the Colonel in retreating to his office, despite the injuries he had sustained at capture.

Later, Henry devised a contract that he felt would end the strike and bring a fair end to the conflicts.

"Attention all members of UMONEP, other wise known as, _**United Medical Officers 'N Enlisted Personnel**_, the following is a set of guidelines which I feel is a compromise of all grievances brought to my attention regarding the operations of this unit. Please get back to me with this signed agreement by slipping it under my office door, quickly, efficiently and quietly. Thank you…Contract as follows…

1.) All personnel will be allowed one R&R trip to Tokyo every 3 months on a rotation and seniority basis. R&R trips are subject to incoming casualties, number of cases present and any ongoing military battles.

2.)All Enlisted Personnel are no longer subject to take orders from Major Frank Burns unless run by me or Captains Pierce or Macintyre for approval to carry out the order. This is to avoid any confusion on who is running the unit. No military action can be taken regarding insubordination because a superior officer in rank will still be approving the order

3.) A reservation book will be placed in my office for the mattress supply room, general supply and use of jeeps for recreational purposes. This is to avoid double booking of the areas or the frustrated situations that would follow.

4.) A new item will be added to the mess tent menu as it becomes available. An officer will be appointed in charge of choice, public opinion and ordering.

5.) A review of all grievances and such will be conducted every 6 months, and the contract may be revised or added to, your union may appoint board members, totalling no more than 4, representing the enlisted personnel, officers, nurses and mess tent staff, who will be in charge of negotiations for the masses at that time.

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After careful consideration and deliberation, an agreement was reached. A box was placed outside of the Colonels office to place all weaponry, picket signs and other paraphernalia used during the strike.

Radar and Henrys requisitions to replace their damaged uniforms; were approved expeditiously in light of the amount of BBQ sauce sustained as ammo from the weapons during their escape. Teddy was subsequently apologized to by Hawkeye and Trapper, taken through a good cleaning, and returned.

As things quieted down at the 4077th, the UMONEP continued on as business as usual, as did upper management and no adverse effects to the camp or its survival rate suffered.

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THE END. Please Review!

As Always, Till Next Time,

-TLH


End file.
